Vegetarian metal for the carnivore in you.
This isn’t the standard fair. We’re serving up fifteen courses of piping hot steamed vegetables (organically and locally grown, of course), and you’re going to eat it and like it. THE EARTH AND I is dead-set on bringing you the Thanksgiving dinner of musical experiences, and while you’re gasping for air, we’ll be piling on the meat-flavored carrots, meat-flavored potatoes, meat-flavored onions, and meat-flavored meat.
That’s right. We’re putting the nonsense back in musical. And we’ve been doing it since 2013, saving the planet every step of the way. How? Simple. We don’t just act broke. We actually are. We can’t afford the gasoline that our tour van requires, so we never burn any. We have found that the only way to live green, is to not have any green.
Our music? Aw heck, we don’t like to talk about ourselves. How about some testimonial from our satisfied partners?
“Unrepentant homogenized pap.”
—Metal Hammer Magazine
“Kind of loud?”
Meet the Band
147 Acquitted Misdemeanors
63 Ex-Band Members
5 High-Functioning Musicians
We’d like to thank everyone who’s fault it is that this band exists.
We’re sorry. You’re welcome.
Vocals / Public relations
After the war, Kendyle began a career as a crooner, eventually collaborating with many of the all-time greats. Among them, Frank Sinatra, whom she impersonated until 1998 after his untimely and hush-hush demise at the hands of his KGB handlers in the mid-seventies. Her tell-all story is being produced by Ken Burns for Netflix.
Guitar / Human Resources
Dan can play ‘Make Total Destroy’ with his tongue. This talent translates into sex about as well as you would think. We’ve asked him to stop, but he doesn’t listen to us. Honestly, he doesn’t really listen to anybody. Fuck this guy.
Bass / Project Management
Nick has the biggest penis in the band. He asked not to be named here, because he would like to have a real job someday. Nick is also responsible for managing projects. In fifth grade, he made a paper maché volcano and he’s been riding that wave ever since.
Drums / Event Planning
Real musicians like to talk about the differences between percussionists and drummers. One will try to sleep with your girlfriend. As our event planner, Suss has orchestrated the demise of practically every show we’ve ever performed. He considers this his special talent.
Guitar / Admin Assistant
Liam is hormone-free and grass-fed. He’s not free-range, but he’s a bit of a masochist and likes it that way. In his free time, Liam also enjoys doing everyone else’s work for them. We appreciate his initiative, but we’ll never tell.