Updated on August 29th, 2016.

Join this Band

What

Clean singer (screams not required), guy or gal, twenty to thirty years old, needed for progressive-nonsense band. First album is in the bag, 100% done.

Where

Warwick, NY.

When

Now, motherfucker! Nah, but we’re real friendly.

How

Like our sound. Have a good personality. Be able to sing. Email us.

Why

Our lovely singer will be leaving us. She did a great job on the record, but can not stay.


The Full Story

Hey!

We’re the band that would have been recommended to you if the guy that you asked had known about us. But he didn’t, so now you’re on the internet.

We’re a band from New York called “The Earth and I”. Our first album is completely done, with vocals, but not yet released. We need a vocalist. Is it you?

In the next few years, we’d like to develop a moderate following. We’re looking for a driven bandmate who will help us collectively reach that goal in the most practical and realistic way possible, while having an obscene amount of fun.

Hopefully you’ve got questions. You want to know who our influences are, what our expectations are, and how often we practice. You want logistical information about money, transportation, and rehearsal space. You want to know how we operate, and why this band is going to be a success.

You can email us with all your questions, and you will get honest, realistic, and practical answers. But for right now, let me answer that last one.

This band is going to be a success because everyone involved is going to do their goddamn best to make kick-ass music, and be the most entertaining, energetic, and immersive act at every show they play.

Fortunately, our first record is done. We’re searching high and low for the right frontman or frontwoman, and then we’ll be hiring a publicist to make us seem like a legitimate band.

If you’re interested, and you’ve had a listen to our samples, email us. Following that, we’ll invite you to do an audition, and we’ll send you all of the materials you need to record yourself singing one of our songs. We always ask for a recording of you singing one of our songs before we make you hike all the way to a practice. If we like each other, we’ll get together to rehearse.

You need a band. Record with us, gig with us, write with us, rehearse with us, tour with us. Email us, for fuck’s sake.

Thanks.

Yours in Rock,
Suss Mackenzie, The Earth and I
management@teai.us


What!? More details!? Fuck yea, sister.

Requirements:
1.) An interest in our music.
2.) A singing voice with power, emotion, and control. Screams not required. You’ll be asked to hit some fairly high notes without losing power.
3.) Free weekends, for practice or other band meetings.
4.) Transportation to our tundra temple where we practice and where we congregate to pack our tour van before shows.
5.) A little bit of free time during the week to respond to group texts, emails, or Facebook messages about the band.
6.) 20 to 30 years old, please. 35 tops. 100 if you’re really cool.

What might make us love you:
1.) An income, and the ability to make small contributions. (Don’t sweat it.)
2.) An appreciation for any of the following artists: TesseracT, Periphery, Skyharbor, Monuments, The Contortionist, Animals as Leaders, CHON, The Fall of Troy, Exivious, Our Oceans, ERRA, David Maxim Micic, Destiny Potato, Plini, Jakub Zytecki, Novallo, Johari, Polyphia, Tigran Hamasyan, Coheed & Cambria, Circa Survive, The Dear Hunter, The Sound of Animals Fighting, Voices from the Fuselage, The Venetia Fair, Sikth, or Cloudkicker.
3.) A nice personality, but also kind of a dick.
4.) An ability to get over stage fright, if you have it.
5.) Prior experience in a band.
6.) A long history of indictments and mistrials.
7.) You own a microphone and have the time, space, and know-how to record basic vocal demos.
8.) An understanding of the technique of “mixed voice” is a big plus. We need someone who can hit some high notes without straining (belting) or resorting to falsetto out of necessity. Officially, we feel that belting and falsetto are useful as a creative option, but not as a means of extending your vocal range. Our music demands some very clear, strong high notes. This is probably the biggest red flag as far as vocal technique goes. We’re not going to ask you for any polyphonic overtones or anything like that. If you’re worried about this, email us anyway and we’ll talk. Don’t be shy.

Why you should join our band:
1.) Health and benefits package. 401K with matched 15% contribution.
2.) Snack room. Company gym.
3.) Competitive salary.
4.) Stress is likely to cause grey hairs, making us all look distinguished and educated.
5.) We will write something offensive about you and post it on our website’s About page.
6.) Probably the best country band currently looking for a singer.


Can’t be bothered to email us?

Well, Jesus H. Christ. Fine! Contact form below.

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